My Heuristic Approach to Reignite The Fire

Photo by Steven Shircliff on Unsplash

I have been playing so much golf and video games for the distraction lately, perhaps a little bit too much.

I feel myself changing in four years: from enjoying working late, to the person who can’t wait for working hours to be over so I can distract myself some more. I used to enjoy working at the weekends, but now I can no longer do it.

The laziness also applies to doing house chores. I no longer enjoy doing laundry (one of the very few house chores activities I loved doing).

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m abandoning my responsibilities. All my tasks are still done, but with the minimum effort I can give to finish them. I used to work super efficiently with very high output, now I’m doing the bare minimum.

Why am I the way that I am?
Recent events have affected my mental, I won’t deny it. Whether it’s personal or work, they slowly change me.

Things like:

  • Family dispute, which I have no clue about solving (see, I suck at relationships)
  • We started the company to fulfill a mission, we’ve explained the risk since the beginning yet complaints are coming in every day when the risk actually happened (some I admit are pretty good for our improvement, some are unreasonable). We’re aiming for improvements, but are they truly the market we want to serve? Can they stomach the risks?
  • Is 4+ years in the industry enough for me to understand its in and out? Is it too long? Am I in my comfort zone?
  • Why are my “whys” no longer inspire me? What is my actual “why”? How the heck do I find it?
  • Will my back pain ever go away?

I guess for the moment, the best thing I can do before I make any rash decisions is to still do my job, to play some more with the hope to clear my mind, find satisfactory answers, feel better, and get back on track in terms of productivity.

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